Did homosexuality kill off the dinosaurs?

Didhomosexualitykilloffthedinosaurs

The above picture has been surfing about on the interweb, and it certainly gives pause for thought and provides a very compelling argument. (Although there are some quibbles one might make. Are the serpents referred to in the Bible really dinosaurs? Are we to believe Eve was tempted by a velociraptor, or a stegosaurus? Hmmm.) But the point about dinosaurs being serial killers is a persuasive one. Indeed, what of other serial killers in the contemporary animal community, such as tigers, lions, wolves, eagles and owls, all of whom are endangered species? We are forever told their numbers are declining because of ‘poaching’ or ‘global warming’ but perhaps there is another reason which they are not telling us? Perhaps a certain lifestyle choice? Why so coy, Mr Lion? And why are you blushing, Monsieur Owl?

In this ‘historic’ week when the British parliament signed the death warrant for heterosexual marriage, are we humans also facing extinction?

However, the answer to the question posed above is an emphatic NO. Homosexuality did not kill off the dinosaurs BECAUSE DINOSAURS NEVER EXISTED (as we have already explained before).

Keep it on the QT!

Dimbleby pointing “It was Adam and Eve in the Garden of Eden, not Adam and Steve!”

It truly was a fantastically pithy (and rather witty!) little statement, annihilating any possible arguments in favour of ‘gay marriage.’ Once Dan had delivered that sentence live on British television, why, then the debate would surely be over and all plans to redefine marriage abandoned permanently!

Dan and myself were in the living room of Linda’s house in Clifton, helping Linda (that’s Dan’s mum, remember!) decorate her Christmas tree whilst the Kings College choir sang “I Saw Three Ships Go Sailing By” on the CD player. What was especially apt was that Dan had just delivered this winning statement at exactly the same time as Linda had turned on the Christmas tree lights, so it was like a hundred light bulbs switching on at such genius! As Linda and myself congratulated Dan on his brainwave, we emptied the last of the tinsel and baubles from the box until there was but one last decoration to be fished out and dangled from the tree. It was a little figurine of a vicar with some string forming a noose around his neck.

“Hang daddy from the tree,” commanded Linda in a hoarse whisper as she pressed the figure into Dan’s hands. I could see tears welling up in Dan’s eyes as with trembling hands he hung the miniature clergyman from a branch and watched as it’s little feet formed tiny semi-circles as they must have done all those years ago when young Dan discovered his father’s corpse swinging from the vicarage rafters.

We had been staying at Linda’s as Dan had won tickets to be in the audience of Thursday’s edition of the BBC show Question Time, which last week was visiting nearby Bristol. It was intensely exciting, as we knew the hot topic of ‘gay marriage’ was bound to be debated and Dan was determined to make his views known!

So we arrived early at the recording venue and sat as near to the front as we possibly could. It was a long evening. Proceedings kicked off just after 8pm with a warm up act. It’s a little known fact that Question Time employs comedians to tell topical jokes before each show- to fully prep the audience so they are fully versed in the topics to be discussed, and also to ‘banter’ with them and get them out of their shells and happy to ask questions. (This is why QT audiences sometimes seem curiously well-informed and opinionated compared to the population at large.) This week it was the turn of diminutive Scottish schoolboy comic Wee Jimmy Krankie to be the warm-up act, rattling off quick-fire gags through his barely intelligible Glasweigan accent. Wee Jimmy is nobody’s idea of a topical satirist, nevertheless his quip about how his dad couldn’t be there tonight because he was “marrying Alex Salmond” sent shivers up my spine! (However, I must say it is a little concerning that such a young lad was not being chaperoned, especially considering recent revelations about the BBC!).

The recording began at 9pm (no, it is not live, and has not been ever since Mo Mowlam addressed Richard Littlejohn with the ‘C’ word on air back in 2002). On the panel were former Shooting Stars team captain Will Self, (hmm, wonder what he’s been up to since?) a foreign man called Lord Balamory (no, me neither!), a Tory woman, a Labour woman, and Mail on Sunday columnist Peter Hitchens, (it turns out this is not the same Hitchens who wrote the book Zac gave to me, confusingly it seems there are two Hitchens who look a bit similar and share the same surname). As ever, David Dimbleby chaired proceedings (little known fact; JK Rowling based the character of Dumbledore in her Satanic ‘Harry Potter’ series on this venerable and wizened broadcaster). As luck would have it, the first question was indeed regarding the backbench Tory revolt over same sex ‘marriage’. Dan’s arm immediately shot up and remained there whilst the panellists offered their responses.

The odious Will Self drawled that “can we not simply apply the principle of Ockham’s razor (?) to those who oppose gay marriage, and say ‘these people are homophobes, they don’t like gay people’?” prompting a furious response from the fine Mr Hitchens, who in a rousing speech declared that those conservatives who oppose gay marriage are now being hounded in a way gay people once were, only to be rudely interrupted by a jeering Will Self who chillingly threatened, “Yes, we will hound you, we will imprison you! We will arrest you in toilets, Peter, and force you to undergo electro-shock therapy!” He said it like it was a joke, but recall that this was a man who, moments ago, was advocating that we apply a razor to the throats of all those who oppose gay marriage!!! Be afeard, good Christians, be very afeard!

Finally Dimbleby noticed Dan. “You, there, the man in the blue shirt,” he barked, pointing straight at Dan, “what’s your opinion about all this?” It was Dan’s moment, all eyes were on Dan, the camera was trained on him, the boom mic dangling over his sweating forehead, the panellists all waiting expectantly. He seemed flustered, momentarily unable to speak, but then he spoke; “It was Adam and Steve in the Garden of Eden, not Adam and Eve!”

It took a moment to fully register what had gone wrong, and why almost everyone in the room was laughing. “Was it?” chortled Dimbleby, “I don’t remember that in my religious studies class!” whilst a sniggering Will Self remarked in his languorous nasal whine “Yes, I think I’ve seen that particular DVD on sale in Soho” to yet more merriment. Only Hitchens looked un-amused, indeed he shook his head in disgust at Dan and raised his imperious Romanesque nose in disdain. (Our only potential ally on the panel, and we’d let him down!)

“No, no, I meant to say…” protested Dan, but the boom mic had already departed to another head in the audience, for in the harsh arena of QT, you only get one shot! For the remainder of the recording, Dan sat red-faced and fuming. As soon as the show ended, Dan stormed out, with me in hot pursuit.

We arrived back at Linda’s an hour later, just as the show was being broadcast on BBC1. Linda was sat on her sofa with a cup of tea, the opening music blaring from the box.

“No, turn it off!” cried Dan, as he lurched through the front door.

“But I want to see it!” said Dan’s startled mum, almost spilling her tea.

“But there’s no point! I didn’t say anything,” lied Dan, “I had my hand up but Dimbleby never came to me.” Linda was disappointed but she shrugged and said, “oh well, I’d still like to watch it anyway.” Dan laughed, trying to mask his panic as he sat down on the sofa next to her and took the remote from her hand, switching the TV off, “but how about we spend some quality time together mummy?” Linda, however, was having none of it, and she snatched the remote back and switched the TV on again. “I want to watch Question Time, Daniel, and I shall not be gainsaid!”

So we sat in horrified anticipation, waiting for disaster to be replayed. Only it never was! Dan’s national disgrace never happened- they had cut his contribution from the final broadcast! “So there is a God!” I quipped to Dan whilst Linda had popped to the kitchen to make more tea. “Was that a joke, Matthew?” hissed Dan, “Leave the comedy to the professionals, like Wee Jimmy Crankie.”

Support “gay marriage”? You must be QUACKERS!

The “Twitterati” has become the “Titterati” (as in “tittering”, i.e; laughing) over the above letter to a New Zealand newspaper by a brave 14 year old girl named Jasmin (surname redacted to protect her identity from assassination attempts by the “gay rights” lobby!) which has become a subject of scorn on social(ist) media (“gone viral” in their hideous parlance) to various “intellectual” types who thinks its awfully clever to sneer and poke fun at children, (there’s a name for that, peeps; it’s called “bullying” yeah? Hello!)

So what does young Jasmin say to earn such derision? Well here she is on the subject of “gay marriage”;

Homosexuality, including same-sex marriage, is not an enlightened idea. The Romans practised homosexuality. Surely, after 2000 years, our level of intelligence should have evolved somewhat, so that we can truly pride ourselves of being cleverer than our forebears.

If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill. It could even threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks could take over the world. Ducks always next in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage then the ducks will have evolved further than we have. We will be in danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us.

Ok, you might think; Jasmin is saying ducks are going to take over the world? Ridiculous, right? LOL! Isn’t she stupid? Let’s all have a good laugh at her!

Well, let’s back up a moment and read that again. What she is actually arguing is that once we have “gay marriages” instead of traditional marriage, the human race will stop reproducing, (because, duh, gay people can’t reproduce!) and once that starts happening humans will start to die out. In that scenario, any other species of animal could soon start to outstrip us and ultimately take over. Yes, so she cites ducks, but she makes clear this is an example cited at random. It might be foxes, badgers, sheep or even puffins! The example of ducks is indeed ridiculous, but intentionally so! With their absurd quacking and comical waddle, the duck is a ludicrous animal, but that is precisely Jasmin’s point! Even the absurd duck could soon outnumber us if the gay lobby has it’s way! Jasmin goes on to say;

None of this really bears any weight for me, because I do not believe in evolution. However, the powers that be believe in evolution, and have made many decisions based on it. They should be consistent: If you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.

Well, hear, hear! Of course many people have used the apparent contradiction in Jasmin’s above argument as a stick with which to beat her with; “how can she argue on the basis of evolution when she doesn’t even believe in it?” they crow. But regardless of the pseudo-science of Evolution (quackery?) Jasmin’s argument still stands and is watertight, because the point she’s arguing is one of demographics. As is already happening with the Muslims, the ducks would soon outnumber us and we would be competing with them for scant resources. Laugh as much as you like now, but if you were alone and defenceless in a duck-ruled dystopia and having to fight a million ducks for your next meal, I don’t think you’d be laughing then!

Carey, Widdecombe compare Christians to Christ-Killers!

Deeply distressing and disappointing news has reached us here at Dawn Rescue towers regarding the Tory party conference. We are sad (and furious) to learn that former Archbishop George Carey (above) and former Tory MP Anne Widdecombe were headline speakers at an event on “gay marriage”. The Conservative party under David Cameron is of course fully in favour of “gay marriage”, but we were dismayed to see formerly upstanding allies such as Carey and Widdecombe joining the enemy and backing “gay marriage”.

Apparently, Carey compared opponents of same-sex marriage to Jews! “Lets remember the Jews in Nazi Germany,” he stated, “what started it all against them was when they started being called names.” Now, not only is this derogatory comparison hugely offensive and insulting to all true Christians, such extreme language is also totally disproportionate.  When you start hurling abuse like this you’ve really lost the argument! So why have Carey and Widdecombe turned on their fellow Christians? Perhaps it was those appearances on Strictly Come Dancing (Anne’s, not Georges’*) rubbing up against various “confirmed bachelors” in the light entertainment industry? Well, Anne and George, it takes two to tango! (geddit?) The real Jews here are in fact YOU!!!

*Although I wouldn’t be surprised if George did appear on Strictly Come Dancing! If you catch my drift!