‘Meteors’ over Britain, End Times at hand?

Yes September has been a jolly quiet month news-wise, hasn’t it? Not much has been going on at all. Unless of course you count the Para-Olympics (a celebration of people who quite clearly sinned egregiously in their previous lives! Err, no thanks!) Or the latest Muslim hissy-fit in the Middle East over something or other on YouTube (the less said about that lot the better! But I will pause to say this for them- at least they know how to stand up for themselves!)

No, nothing much has been going on in the world at all. Until last night, that is!

Millions of people across Britain looked up at to see huge bright glistening streams of light shooting across the night sky. One man who contacted the BBC described it as a “mass of gold light, everything moving in unison.” Another described it as a “bright yellow and orange ball.” Someone else said “I’ve seen shooting stars and meteor showers before, but this was much larger and much more colourful.”

So what ‘in the blazing heavens’ was going on? The internet was abuzz last night with these exciting sightings, so I expected to wake up today to find it front page, wall-to-wall news, but strangely no, an ominous silence has descended. Where it is reported, (such as here by our old “friend” the BBC) it is naturally dismissed as mere “space junk” from a satellite supposedly “breaking up in the earth’s atmosphere”.

Yeah right! And I suppose the fact this has happened at the exact same time as the English and Scottish governments are trying to push through “gay marriage” is “pure coincidence” isn’t it? “And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven…..and his face was as it were the sun and his feet as pillars of fire” (Revelation 10:1) I think we all know what’s really going on, don’t we, friends? I suspect even the decadent, atheistic BBC does too, and is quaking in its boots!

Matthew’s Blog: Were You There, Were You There?

Well, this is jolly awkward isn’t it? I was hoping to report on a highly successful and fun-packed recruitment jamboree at London’s Natural History Museum on Saturday, and perhaps announce a few new members to the world wide web, but alas, no, tis not to be. WHERE WERE YOU ALL?!!? ‘Smudgie’? You said you’d be there! ‘Randall99’? I believe you used the legally-binding term ‘Deffo!’ did you not? And you reading this now, (yes, YOU!!!) what of your no-show, hmm? I’m disappointed (to say the least!), but lest we descend into a festival of finger-wagging and tut-tuttery, let us quickly glide over Saturday’s damp squib in silence (for the moment!) and move on to other pressing matters (for now!). (Although as it happens, one person did show up, more on him later!)

Firstly, apologies as its been a while since I last blogged,  and I know there are a vast multitude of you eagerly hanging upon my every word as I occasionally toss you morsels of my day-to-day struggle to remain on the “straight and narrow”.

You may recall in my last blog my encounter with the demonic young Zac. To my relief I had seen neither hide nor hair of this dangerous succubus in the weeks immediately after. I had spent many an hour trawling through Facebook and Twitter in an effort to locate his whereabouts (so as best to avoid ever crossing paths with him again) but whilst to my surprise I found a legion of Zacs and Zacharys in London and environs, none seemed to be the young chap I came across (so to speak). Perchance some serial killer had taken him home and gobbled him up for supper? It would be a certain kind of justice, I mused. But, alas, as I was soon to discover, t’was not to be!

Also, we have very sad news to relate regarding our admin assistant, Joel. (You’ll have seen Joel in our little promo video. He’s the boy with the dark curly hair in the nightclub scene, re-enacting his emotional first encounter with me back in May last year.) Joel had been sleeping on our couch for the past few months as his parents, two militant lesbians, had angrily cast him out of the family home for becoming a Christian, (The modern world, huh?)  But he’d had a phone call from one of his mothers on Friday night extending an olive branch of rapprochment. Apparently she’d read some leaflets and realised Christianity wasn’t all bad, because, (get this!) “some of Christ’s teachings sound almost Marxist.” (Completely untrue btw, Jesus despised Communists.) So on Saturday morning as I entered the kitchen I found Joel cheerfully announcing to Dan over coffee and croissants that he was off back to Brighton to stay with his mum and err…mum. Dan nodded and smiled at Joel and offered to give him a lift to the station, but of course I divined Dan would not be taking Joel to the station, Joel would have to be taken to ‘The Garage’ to be “fixed” as there was no way he could possibly be allowed back into the “community” to backslide into his bad old ways, not after all our hard work! (The Garage is a lock-up somewhere in East London, location unspecified! We don’t want our various foes finding it!)

Dan noticed me in the doorway and flashed me ‘The Look’. I knew this was my cue to fetch the ‘Tool Box’ from the broom cupboard. I surreptitiously slipped it to Dan as he escorted Joel to the door. I could see Joel’s eyes dart nervously towards the ‘Tool Box’ and for a second he stopped in his tracks and seemed poised to ask what it was, but Dan blustered on with something about having to “crack on as we’ve got our recruitment day later,” and with that he bustled Joel out the flat and down the stairs. Of course in reality I knew that Dan would have his ‘hands full’ all day with Joel in ‘The Garage’ and I would now have to oversee the Recruitment Day all on my tod.

I arrived early at the Natural History Museum, at about 1.45pm. I had a quick scout around and it seemed like there might indeed be a few Dawn Rescue types in the vicinity but I waited until exactly 2pm until planting myself firmly at the rear end of the “diplodocus.” A likely looking young ginger chap with a backpack was already there, frowning perplexedly at the very tip of the tail. He looked not unlike Ron Weaselly, (the co-star of the Harry Potter films, lately blossoming into a fine figure of manhood). I cleared my throat and he looked up at me, startled. “Do you know why the blood of Jesus poured out of him on the cross?” I enquired with a cheery wink and a smile, expecting to be met with a joyful cry of recognition, but instead my earnest query was answered with pure incomprehension. Then an angular blonde girl rushed towards him, saying, “Dieter, Dieter! Kommen Sie und sehen Sie die prähistorischen Fisch!” And with that they departed to view the hideous Coelacanth, suspended in formaldehyde in its little alcove. So I was left alone to linger at the “tail” of the fraudulent fabrication, this supposed “giant reptile” that had allegedly “once stalked the earth.” And so the minutes ticked by. And yet more minutes ticked by…

By 3pm I had decided, with great sadness, to call it quits, but as I was there I thought I may as well have a quick gander around the exhibits. So, fighting back tears, I made my way in the direction of the ‘blue whale hall’ (as I’ve always known it) my favourite haunt as a child, and one that I can still enjoy seeing as the blue whale, (and the various other mammals that surround it) are unquestionably the creation of God, (unlike the “dinosaurs” which are of course the creation of one C Darwin). It’s always amazed me how they managed to transport this mighty beast from the depths of the ocean to South Kensington. I mean, how did they get it through the doors? (Bet it caused a right stink when they were dragging it through the streets of London, LOL!) But just as I was gazing with child-like wonder at the excellently preserved specimen, imagining myself as Jonah about to be swallowed up by this majestic leviathan, I was jolted out of my reverie by the sound of someone panting at my shoulder.

“Jeez, Matthew! Thank f***, I thought I’d missed you!”

A shudder of recognition passed through me as I turned to face him. I knew that voice anywhere, it had haunted my nightmares constantly these past three weeks!

“So you’re Dawn Rescue, are you?” said Zac (for it was he!). “Thought so!” And with that he pressed a paberback book into my trembling hand.  “It’s a present, “ he said. “You should read it!” I looked down at the cover. ‘God Is Not Great’ it said in big letters. I felt dizzy. I grasped hold of the rail but it was too late, I was going down. “Hey, Matt,” I heard him cry as the world darkened around me and I plunged to the floor…..

To be continued…

Not The Change They Voted For!

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Have you seen this new US ad on behalf of Romney/Ryan? It’s called ‘New Morning’ and by golly it’s good! An engrossing litle mini domestic drama that’ll really knock you for six. She’s reading the paper, he’s making coffee, just a regular American couple living in domestic bliss. But there is a dark cloud in their blue sky- the dark cloud of “gay marriage.” The script is superb, the dialogue is tight and punchy and to the point, as good as anything by David Mamet. Particularly love the line “That’s not the change I voted for!” And the actors are both excellent (although sadly I doubt liberal Hollywood will be calling these brave dissidents anytime soon considering the principled stance of the ad!) Love the music too, sounds eerily like the enchanting piano-based melodies which accompanied our own little promo video! And that was filmed in a kitchen too! ‘New Morning/Dawn Rescue’? Hmmm, perhaps the Romney/Ryan team have been watching our humble movie and taking notes? (No, we know that’s very very unlikely, but it’d be nice if they had!)

Recruitment Day- Saturday the 15th September!

Yes, it’s that time again! We’re having one of our recruitment days to meet new members on Saturday the 15th of September, 2pm. Meet by the “diplodocus” in the main hall at the Natural History Museum, (“tail” end). Why there? Well, because it’s the Cathedral of Secularist Darwinian Mumbo-Jumbo, is it not? So where better?


(I say “diplodocus” in inverted commas because of course it’s so blatantly a made up, fictional creation- clearly just a bunch of rocks strung together to look like the sort of ludicrous monster Tolkien or CS Lewis would have rejected at the planning stage for being too implausible. I mean, come on scientists, you’re seriously telling us those are meant to be bones? Bones aren’t black, THEY’RE WHITE!!! Oh, and apparently scientists say dinosaurs had feathers now- have you heard that? MAKE UP YOUR MINDS, SCIENTISTS- you said they were scaly a while ago, then you said they walked upright, then you said they didn’t, I mean, it’s almost like, I dunno, like YOU’RE MAKING IT ALL UP AS YOU GO ALONG!!!! Hilarious, and they have the gall to accuse us of being “irrational” and believing in “fairy stories.”)

Dalek Rescue- Saving Souls on Skaro

An interesting thought struck me as I watched Doctor Who last night (did any of you see it? Wasn’t it fab?) The episode, ‘Asylum of the Daleks’, seemed to be a pretty apt parable of the work we do here at Dawn Rescue. (I’m sure that thought struck you, too!)

Let me explain (if for some reason it hasn’t struck you). At the start of the episode, Dr Who, played by melted-faced Matt Smith- (ok, he’s no Sylvester McCoy, but he tries his hardest) and his companions, (the feisty Irish girl and handsome young Rory) are plucked from various places by daleks disguised as people (there was a stunning efect when dalek eyestalks suddenly protruded from human foreheads) They were then whisked away to the ‘parliament of the daleks’ – a huge spaceship filled with seemingly thousands of daleks (it looked great, but I can’t help feeling what a waste of licence payers money it must have been to make them all, couldn’t they have made do with 4 daleks and a few strategically placed mirrors around the studio, like they did in the glory days?) But then- get this- instead of blasting the Doc away, the evil mechanised mutants asked the timelord to save them! Whoa, unexpected plot twist!

We were then sent on a fantastic rollercoaster of an adventure, as the Doc, the endearingly rumpled Rory and feisty Irish girl were sent down into a ‘dalek asylum’ to do something or other to enable the daleks to blow them all up, (for some reason) and there was also ‘Souffle girl’  who had crash-landed on the planet, and made souffles, (hence her name) but she was really (SPOILER ALERT!) a dalek, which the doctor guessed because you need milk to make souffles and she’d been there over a year, and milk goes off after a few days, and there are no Tesco’s in the dalek asylum.

Anyway, to get to my point, just like the Doctor, the boyish, puppy dog eyed Rory and whatsername, we at Dawn Rescue bravely battle a deadly foe every day, an enemy with alien values, ‘mutants’ just like the daleks, but in Soho, not Skaro. Of course you can usually spot a dalek a mile off, but the genius of this episode was that the daleks had mastered the art of adopting human form, just as our enemy does! But like the Doc, we must be alert to any tell-tale signs, (or “souffle giveaways.”)  And yet our foes, as dangerous as they are, also have the chance to be redeemed, (just like the daleks who screeched “Save us!” in this episode.) I must confess to shedding a tear towards the end of the show, as Souffle Dalek battled against her innate dalek evilness and helped the Doctor to defeat her own kind, it reminded me of all the troubled young souls down the years, some of whom, like Souffle Dalek, were ultimately too far down the road to be saved by Dawn Rescue and had to be abandoned to destroy themselves.

Overall, a cracking episode. However, one or two niggles (if you’re reading this, Steven Moffat!) I do feel that the idea that daleks operate a parliamentary democracy slighly detracts from their overall evilness. And the debates there must be even more interminable than the House of Commons! Or less so, maybe! (Which sounds more satirical?) Might liven things up if our MPs could just exterminate each other! (That’s just a joke btw, Dawn Rescue does not condone violence!)