We win award at film festival!!!

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Yes, we know it’s all gone a bit quiet on the Dawn Rescue front lately, but fret not, we’re back and we’ve got some BIG news! Our promo film (above) wowed the crowds last night at this year’s ‘QueerFest’ film festival, where we walked off with the much coveted ‘Golden Sebastiane’* prize.

Now, before you despatch telegrams of congratulations, let us just point out that this is something of a mixed blessing. You see, we had thought it would be a cunning ruse to send our short film to various ‘gay film festivals’ so that our message could reach the intended audience (to preach to the un-converted, if you will) and to that end we gave ourselves fictional actor names and credited it all to a made-up writing/directing duo of two brothers (because as we all know, the film world is rife with nepotism, LOL!) Our master-plan was this; our film would be screened, the audience would be hit (whack!) straight in the face with our message, the mote would fall from their eyes, etc etc, and ‘Bob’s your Uncle,’ we leave the venue with a couple of hundred new recruits in tow! We had of course entered our film to the LLGFF (London Lesbian & Gay Film Festival) but to no avail, (we discovered, too late, that in order to qualify you must include a shower scene).

‘QueerFest’ bills itself as “an alternative, counter-cultural antidote to the increasing homogenisation of homosexuality” (whatever that means!). The venue was a disused warehouse in East London, and the audience members did not much resemble the sartorially snazzy sorts I’ve previously come across on my sojourns around Soho. Instead there was lots of green and purple hair (dyed, presumably, one can only hope!) facial piercings, and quite a few rather mean, burly looking types with shaven heads and tattoos (and that was just the women, LOL!**)

The films were mostly rather gruesome. There were shower scenes aplenty (presumably more failed entrants to the LLGFF), indeed most of the films blurred into one long shower scene, but an exception which will doubtless linger in my nightmares was the repulsive Corpse Lover, in which a mortuary attendant opens a freezer to pull out the naked body of a young man and then…..(but I shall go no further! I’m sure you can all guess the rest!) There was another called Guitar Licks about two Canadian lesbian singer-songwriters. It’s a case of opposites attract when Ani Difranco-fan Brenda meets Melissa Etheridge-fan Wanda at an open mic night in Toronto and they go for a coffee in a late-night café… (I’m quoting from the festival brochure here). It was rather tedious, but it livened up somewhat towards the end when, after taking a late-night skinny dip in one of Canada’s Great Lakes, the two women are mauled by a grizzly bear whilst trying to retrieve their clothes. Dan and myself both cheered on the bear, (we felt it represented traditional Christian civilization reasserting itself!) prompting angry looks from all around us. Finally, our film was shown! But instead of the desired Damascene conversions, there was either much tittering throughout, (they thought it was a comedy!) or else bored indifference.

Dan and myself were in shock as the lights came up and the festival organiser announced that a “very special guest” was arriving to dole out the prizes, whereupon a coffin was wheeled in to the music from “The Omen” and out sprang a drag queen dressed as Margaret Thatcher! Well, Dan and myself were practically choking on our popcorn at this sacrilege! “You’re all disgusting and immoral!” bellowed the tranny Mrs T to pantomime boos and hisses from the audience. “Maggie” then proceeded to hand out ‘Sebastianes’ from “her” capacious handbag.*** (In case you’re wondering, Corpse Lover won the bronze and Guitar Licks won the silver.)

Dan went up to collect the award on our behalf and used his speech to reveal to the crowd that the film was not in fact a comedy and begged them all to heed it’s angry message, but instead of the expected epiphanies, the crowd all hooted still further, they thought Dan’s speech was all part of some ghastly extended parody!

We both stormed out, furiously. But as we left via the side-exit, who should we bump into but my hideous sister Bryony, standing on the street, cigarette en route to slanderous mouth!

“Bryony!” I shrieked, my suspicions instantly aroused “what are you doing here?”

“I came to see a film by one of my work colleagues, I had no idea your film would be showing!” snapped my errant sibling. She then gestured to the stick-thin young fellow standing beside her with giant curly hair, clothed in “hipster” attire (Kim Jong-Il T-shirt, red braces, black skinny jeans) “This is Charlie Wyrrel-Fife, he wrote and directed Corpse Lover, he’s also head writer on The Fimbles.” (yes, really! These are the sorts of depraved minds at work on our kids TV shows!)

“OMG,” squealed Charlie, “So you’re Bry’s Bro, yah?”

He extended his tiny hand to shake mine, but Dan angrily dragged me off up the street to the tube station, tossing our Golden Sebastiane into a skip on the way there.

*The ‘Golden Sebastiane’ prize is, as you might have surmised, a blasphemous & idolatrous spray-painted figurine of the scantily-clad saint impaled with arrows….there’s something a little odd about anyone who would find such a macabre image ‘homo-erotic’ don’t you think?  

**No, REALLY, that WAS just the women!

***No, I don’t quite get the logic of Margaret Thatcher returning from the dead, arriving at a gay film festival to abuse the crowd and then thinking, “oh, ok, whilst I’m here I may as well stay and hand out some awards.” Somehow it doesn’t quite sound like the uncompromising “not for turning” Iron Lady we all knew and loved, does it?

Dawn Rescue under attack!

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Well it had to happen sooner or later, folks, didn’t it? Our noble organisation of Dawn Rescue is under attack from the secular establishment, by that fortress of Communist propaganda; the BBC! The above video has been vomitted over the web, styling itself as an ‘investigation’ into Dawn Rescue, and making a whole load of fanciful and unsubstantiated claims. In a nutshell; IT’S ALL LIES, FOLKS! (But you knew that already of course!) And who is behind this barrage of hate-filled bigotry? Why, if it isn’t Bryony Ditty, none other than the sister of our own Matthew Ditty, (although she was long ago disowned by Matthew, you’ll be pleased to hear). She has previous form on this. See here and her numerous aggressive and hysterical BTL comments on our site here and here and here.

How fitting that this should hapen now of all times, on Good Friday! Just as our Lord was betrayed and punished for others sins, so do our enemies atempt to crucify Dawn Rescue! But unlike Jesus, we’re not quitters!

Did homosexuality kill off the dinosaurs?

Didhomosexualitykilloffthedinosaurs

The above picture has been surfing about on the interweb, and it certainly gives pause for thought and provides a very compelling argument. (Although there are some quibbles one might make. Are the serpents referred to in the Bible really dinosaurs? Are we to believe Eve was tempted by a velociraptor, or a stegosaurus? Hmmm.) But the point about dinosaurs being serial killers is a persuasive one. Indeed, what of other serial killers in the contemporary animal community, such as tigers, lions, wolves, eagles and owls, all of whom are endangered species? We are forever told their numbers are declining because of ‘poaching’ or ‘global warming’ but perhaps there is another reason which they are not telling us? Perhaps a certain lifestyle choice? Why so coy, Mr Lion? And why are you blushing, Monsieur Owl?

In this ‘historic’ week when the British parliament signed the death warrant for heterosexual marriage, are we humans also facing extinction?

However, the answer to the question posed above is an emphatic NO. Homosexuality did not kill off the dinosaurs BECAUSE DINOSAURS NEVER EXISTED (as we have already explained before).

Exclusive extract: The Importance Of Being Jack

In preparation for tonight’s exciting event at the Ripper Museum, here is an exclusive extract from Dan’s new book ‘The Importance Of Being Jack.’ None of the following is conjecture, it is all based on meticulous research conducted by Dan. In short, it is 100% fact, and precisely 0% fiction!

Dead of night. A distant clock chimes twelve times. The near-by sound of horse hooves and carriage wheels on cobbles. A young woman hurries through the dark, deserted square. Suddenly, a figure emerges through the unfurling London fog in front of her.

“Lor, guv’nor, you aint ‘alf scared me!” cries the woman.

The figure doffs his top hat.

“I beg your pardon, madam,” he says in his lugubrious tones. 

The woman’s ears prick up at the obvious wealth and breeding of this stranger as displayed in his elegant accent and diction.

“Cor, you sounds like a likely sort of swell, bet’s you knows how to treat a lady, dontcha?”

The man chuckles. “Oh I do indeed know how to treat a lady, madam!”

“How’s abaht we go somewhere then, guv’nor. I aint cheap, mind, it’ll cost you tuppence ha’penny and nuffink less!”

“Oh, there’s no need to go anywhere, right here will do for what I have in mind. And I do believe I have tuppence ha’penny in my bag.”

“A handbag?” cries the woman in surprise as she sees the gentleman thrust his hand into a large brown leather bag he has been carrying. But he doesn’t retrieve any money from his bag, but instead something shinier than coins!

“Cor, what you gonna do with that, then?” says the woman as the knife glints in the moonlight.

“Why, with this I shall create a work of art,” muses the man, “perhaps my finest work to date. One that shall life forever in the annals of infamy, for there is only one thing worse in life than being talked about, and that is not being talked about!”

And with that he nonchalantly sinks the blade into the woman’s stomach.

“You are wicked!” she gasps as he pulls the knife out and she drops to the cobbles, blood spattering around her.

“Wickedness is a myth invented by good people to account for the curious attractiveness of others,” quips the man as he opens his capacious bag again and takes out various surgical implements, delicately placing them on the ground.

The woman watches in horror as the man gets to work. “Why?” she croaks.

“Because you are A Woman Of No Importance!”

“And you are Lucifer himself!” she wheezes.

“Well, really, Gwendolen, I must say I think there are lots of other much nicer names. I think Jack, for instance, a charming name.”

“Me name’s not Gwendolen, it’s…..” but before she can tell him her name, the spirit leaves the body of Polly Nichols.

“Murder is so awfully taxing on one’s wardrobe!” the man mutters to himself, dabbing at his bloodstained clothes with his handkerchief as he disappears into the fog on that cold, dark night, leaving Polly behind him, sleeping her last sweet sleep, the eternal slumber from which she will never again awaken, in her warm bed of blood and entrails…

Special event at the Ripper Museum, Whitechapel, this Thursday!

Mark the date in your diaries!

This Thursday the 8th of November we’ll be holding a special event to accompany the forthcoming publication of Dan’s groundbreaking book The Importance Of Being Jack at the excellent Ripper Museum in Mitre Square, EC3, London!

This Thursday we will reveal once and for all the true identity of the infamous serial killer Jack the Ripper! Before the night is out it’ll be ‘case closed’ as the greatest ‘cold case’ in history is finally cracked by Dawn Rescue’s very own in-house super-sleuth. The shocking revelations are bound to do for the culprit (clue: he’s a revered ‘wit,’ aesthete, playwright and sometime resident of Reading Gaol who liked to take a walk on the Wilde side) what recent revelations have done for the reputation of Jimmy Savile. Just as never again will the BBC show re-runs of ‘Jim Will Fix It’ so never again will actresses proclaim “a handbag!” whilst treading the boards in a certain person’s plays, and never again will clever-clogs types like Stephen Fry quote a certain person’s epigrams.

So head on down to the Ripper Museum this Thursday. The talk is FREE and starts at 7pm, and is followed by a Q and A and a special author signing. (The book is hot off the presses and doesn’t go on sale officially until the new year so this is your opportunity to get your mitts on an advance copy and a piece of history!)

We’ll be downstairs in the Museum’s cafe, right next to the marvellous gift shop. (Why not get there early and do a spot of shopping! You can check out the souvenir dolls of the victims, complete with removable internal organs- surely the ideal stocking filler!)

Support “gay marriage”? You must be QUACKERS!

The “Twitterati” has become the “Titterati” (as in “tittering”, i.e; laughing) over the above letter to a New Zealand newspaper by a brave 14 year old girl named Jasmin (surname redacted to protect her identity from assassination attempts by the “gay rights” lobby!) which has become a subject of scorn on social(ist) media (“gone viral” in their hideous parlance) to various “intellectual” types who thinks its awfully clever to sneer and poke fun at children, (there’s a name for that, peeps; it’s called “bullying” yeah? Hello!)

So what does young Jasmin say to earn such derision? Well here she is on the subject of “gay marriage”;

Homosexuality, including same-sex marriage, is not an enlightened idea. The Romans practised homosexuality. Surely, after 2000 years, our level of intelligence should have evolved somewhat, so that we can truly pride ourselves of being cleverer than our forebears.

If homosexuality spreads, it can cause human evolution to come to a standstill. It could even threaten the human position on the evolutionary ladder, and say, ducks could take over the world. Ducks always next in pairs and if we allow same-sex marriage then the ducks will have evolved further than we have. We will be in danger of all being equal, with ducks more equal than us.

Ok, you might think; Jasmin is saying ducks are going to take over the world? Ridiculous, right? LOL! Isn’t she stupid? Let’s all have a good laugh at her!

Well, let’s back up a moment and read that again. What she is actually arguing is that once we have “gay marriages” instead of traditional marriage, the human race will stop reproducing, (because, duh, gay people can’t reproduce!) and once that starts happening humans will start to die out. In that scenario, any other species of animal could soon start to outstrip us and ultimately take over. Yes, so she cites ducks, but she makes clear this is an example cited at random. It might be foxes, badgers, sheep or even puffins! The example of ducks is indeed ridiculous, but intentionally so! With their absurd quacking and comical waddle, the duck is a ludicrous animal, but that is precisely Jasmin’s point! Even the absurd duck could soon outnumber us if the gay lobby has it’s way! Jasmin goes on to say;

None of this really bears any weight for me, because I do not believe in evolution. However, the powers that be believe in evolution, and have made many decisions based on it. They should be consistent: If you believe in evolution, you can’t be in favour of homosexuality, or the ducks will get you in the end.

Well, hear, hear! Of course many people have used the apparent contradiction in Jasmin’s above argument as a stick with which to beat her with; “how can she argue on the basis of evolution when she doesn’t even believe in it?” they crow. But regardless of the pseudo-science of Evolution (quackery?) Jasmin’s argument still stands and is watertight, because the point she’s arguing is one of demographics. As is already happening with the Muslims, the ducks would soon outnumber us and we would be competing with them for scant resources. Laugh as much as you like now, but if you were alone and defenceless in a duck-ruled dystopia and having to fight a million ducks for your next meal, I don’t think you’d be laughing then!

Carey, Widdecombe compare Christians to Christ-Killers!

Deeply distressing and disappointing news has reached us here at Dawn Rescue towers regarding the Tory party conference. We are sad (and furious) to learn that former Archbishop George Carey (above) and former Tory MP Anne Widdecombe were headline speakers at an event on “gay marriage”. The Conservative party under David Cameron is of course fully in favour of “gay marriage”, but we were dismayed to see formerly upstanding allies such as Carey and Widdecombe joining the enemy and backing “gay marriage”.

Apparently, Carey compared opponents of same-sex marriage to Jews! “Lets remember the Jews in Nazi Germany,” he stated, “what started it all against them was when they started being called names.” Now, not only is this derogatory comparison hugely offensive and insulting to all true Christians, such extreme language is also totally disproportionate.  When you start hurling abuse like this you’ve really lost the argument! So why have Carey and Widdecombe turned on their fellow Christians? Perhaps it was those appearances on Strictly Come Dancing (Anne’s, not Georges’*) rubbing up against various “confirmed bachelors” in the light entertainment industry? Well, Anne and George, it takes two to tango! (geddit?) The real Jews here are in fact YOU!!!

*Although I wouldn’t be surprised if George did appear on Strictly Come Dancing! If you catch my drift!

‘Meteors’ over Britain, End Times at hand?

Yes September has been a jolly quiet month news-wise, hasn’t it? Not much has been going on at all. Unless of course you count the Para-Olympics (a celebration of people who quite clearly sinned egregiously in their previous lives! Err, no thanks!) Or the latest Muslim hissy-fit in the Middle East over something or other on YouTube (the less said about that lot the better! But I will pause to say this for them- at least they know how to stand up for themselves!)

No, nothing much has been going on in the world at all. Until last night, that is!

Millions of people across Britain looked up at to see huge bright glistening streams of light shooting across the night sky. One man who contacted the BBC described it as a “mass of gold light, everything moving in unison.” Another described it as a “bright yellow and orange ball.” Someone else said “I’ve seen shooting stars and meteor showers before, but this was much larger and much more colourful.”

So what ‘in the blazing heavens’ was going on? The internet was abuzz last night with these exciting sightings, so I expected to wake up today to find it front page, wall-to-wall news, but strangely no, an ominous silence has descended. Where it is reported, (such as here by our old “friend” the BBC) it is naturally dismissed as mere “space junk” from a satellite supposedly “breaking up in the earth’s atmosphere”.

Yeah right! And I suppose the fact this has happened at the exact same time as the English and Scottish governments are trying to push through “gay marriage” is “pure coincidence” isn’t it? “And I saw another mighty angel come down from heaven…..and his face was as it were the sun and his feet as pillars of fire” (Revelation 10:1) I think we all know what’s really going on, don’t we, friends? I suspect even the decadent, atheistic BBC does too, and is quaking in its boots!

Not The Change They Voted For!

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Have you seen this new US ad on behalf of Romney/Ryan? It’s called ‘New Morning’ and by golly it’s good! An engrossing litle mini domestic drama that’ll really knock you for six. She’s reading the paper, he’s making coffee, just a regular American couple living in domestic bliss. But there is a dark cloud in their blue sky- the dark cloud of “gay marriage.” The script is superb, the dialogue is tight and punchy and to the point, as good as anything by David Mamet. Particularly love the line “That’s not the change I voted for!” And the actors are both excellent (although sadly I doubt liberal Hollywood will be calling these brave dissidents anytime soon considering the principled stance of the ad!) Love the music too, sounds eerily like the enchanting piano-based melodies which accompanied our own little promo video! And that was filmed in a kitchen too! ‘New Morning/Dawn Rescue’? Hmmm, perhaps the Romney/Ryan team have been watching our humble movie and taking notes? (No, we know that’s very very unlikely, but it’d be nice if they had!)